Some time ago after (guess what?) a nice 2 hour bike ride, my riding partner for that day and I decided to end the morning with coffee shop stop. Hmmm... deep rich bitter black brew for me, some sugary foamy non-fat milky desert-like drink for her. Gross. The place we were staying was close enough to the cafe to afford a shower and change before getting high on caffeine, even though going to coffee shop in the shammy and cleats feels like vacation - to me anyway. Oh and what else do you need to know? She's a looker.
So we funnel in like cattle, line up for our fix and decide to divide and conquer. I'll order the drinks and get a table and absent any readable newspaper, she'll walk to the drug store next door and get an LA or NY Times to peruse while the jo begins to flow.
We get the drinks, and I head over to the bar as she makes a pit stop and then runs the errand. I'm at the sugar/cream bar polluting her beverage with "in the raws" and this attractive lady is scolding her 6 year old, "Johnny, you have to start eating something that's good for you, waffles and bagels everyday isn't cutting it." (Maybe she should start feeding him something different instead of giving in to his constant beggings for maple syrup and cream cheese depositories?)
I chime in, glancing both mother and son a smile, "She's right, gotta eat those fruits and veggies to be strong." She winks a thank you and whisks him out the door for patio time and I settle into a table awaiting my mainstream media indoctrination.
Back comes my hotty with a paper and, "you won't believe what just happened!" "Sure I will," I say flippantly, "go for it."
"This guy just followed me into the drug store, practically stalked me in the isle to come up to me and say 'WOW, I just wanted to let you know you have some gorgeous legs.'" Not so terribly surprising, given the actual legs, but wait. "Get this," she adds, "he had a wedding ring and a kid with him, and look (out the window of the cafe), here they come back from the drug store! What an ass!" She didn't respond to his flattery and went about the Sunday deforestation purchase. Got it? Get it? Guess it?
Yeppers, it's little Johnny, this time with daddy. I let her know... "I think I know you suitor's wife!" I look outside to see the milfa and sure enough, she's out there yapping away to some girlfriends and I seize my opportunity, the ground work for which was laid with fruit and veggies.
I stroll on out and ask her, "Excuse me ma'am, but is that your husband standing there in the t-shirt and blue shorts (me pointing to the jerk with kid in hand)?" Surprised, confused, she says, "What?"
"I said, I'd like to know if that's your husband."
Cautiously and perhaps cringing at the thought of an unwanted come-on or insult, "Yes, why do you want to know?"
"Because my lady friend and I would appreciate it if he didn't follow her into the drug store into several isles towing your son, staring at her "features" and compliment her on how amazing her legs look, he made her very uncomfortable."
"Um, why don't you tell him that," she replies angrily. "Oh, I don't want to start any trouble," I lied, "I just thought you'd like to know." As she moves toward pops and Johnny, I calmly stroll back in, calculating that my coffee is just about perfect drinking temperature.
As I am recapping the outside-the-cafe tom-foolery to my gal, in comes MILF, laughing awkwardly, cowering and apologizing, "I'm SO sorry!" she says, "I just wanted to apologize, I am SO embarrassed."
Um Yea, no kidding!
"It's just that my husband just shaved his arms and legs, and he was talking about his legs, not yours."
"Ya know what," I wryly reply, "That sounds highly unlikely, but we'll just let this one go."
I know we can let it go, but I do wonder how the rest of their day went or if he'll continue chasing down gals to flirt with while out with his wife and son. And if she is that willing to buy that SHITE from him, little ole Johnny's gonna be eating pussy for breakfast as soon as he figures that one out.
1 comment:
you're evil!
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